Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
