I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We're too hungover to prance.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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