She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
