96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
