K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
