We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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