Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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