he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
