Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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