I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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