Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You are the jesus of drinking
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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