i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
