I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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