epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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