my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
