her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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