I like to think it a success when the cops are called
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
