After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
