Nicole vs. Life
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i think i just lost a toe
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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