8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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