I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
