Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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