And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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