wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize