i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
