Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
