just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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