Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
