Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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