I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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