my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and she was petting her beer can
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
