Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
