I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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