I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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