I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
