my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
