i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
