When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
