no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
