at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
