Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
