Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
