Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
