I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
