i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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