i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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