There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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