i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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