my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
how drunk are you?
Several
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
