just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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