Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this boner is exhausting
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
