considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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