Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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