I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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