he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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