so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
