omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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