I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
