Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
