Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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