Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
