i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
