I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
