1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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