the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
