Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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