I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wannas sexs uuuuu
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
