put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
